


The Moment of Truth

by profoundbondbusiness



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Season 8 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-03 23:37:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/profoundbondbusiness/pseuds/profoundbondbusiness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Standing in that church with it's faded wallpaper, Sam has to face up to his greatest faults. </p>
<p>A brief glimpse into Sam's thoughts during Sacrifice in Season 8.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Moment of Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Haha, so this title was inspired by This is War by Thirty Seconds to Mars because I've become obsessed with this song recently. This is basically a character study because I really wanted to examine the reasons why Sam got to the point at the end of Sacrifice where he was ready to die. 
> 
> Also, sorry for the really bad summary I had no idea what to say.

Sam stood in the confessional of the church, with its fading wallpaper and wanted laughed at the irony of the entire situation. Here he was, about to pray for the first time in years, to a God that didn't reside in heaven and to angels he no longer had any faith in. The last time Sam had actually prayed to an angel, he prayed to have his brother returned to him. That had happened, but along with his brothers return brought angels that were nothing like Sam had imagined. Not only were they nothing like Sam had imagined but they hated him because he was drinking demon's blood and believed he was an abomination. Sam was pretty sure they would have called him an abomination even if he hadn't been drinking demon's blood just for the simple fact that he was Lucifer's true vessel. Thinking of that, though, just reminded Sam of what a horrible mess that year was and all the problems it caused him. Those problems were still plaguing to this day, because it seemed like Dean couldn't let it go and still resented him for what he did.

What made this entire situation worse for Sam was that he had finally reached a point where he had forgiven himself for all the crap he had pulled. He felt like he had reached that moment in time where he could move on, and then one case just pulled him back down. That seemed to be a really big theme in his life, just when he reached a point where he could be content, if not happy, life decided to drop a bomb down and make a mess of his life. That bomb was Dean and the mess came in the form of his not forgiving, not forgetting attitude he seemed to carry around. "Sammy's Greatest Hits" Dean had called them, and listed a few of the biggest mistakes Sam had ever made. They ranged from him drinking demon's blood to not looking for Dean after the whole mess with Dick Roman and the Leviathans. It's not like Sam had meant any harm, but then again the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Which was really ironic considering the fact that while Sam had only spent a day in hell, his soul had been there for about 18 months.

Sam shook his head, shaggy brown hair flying around his face and tried to focus on the task before him. The whole reason he was standing in this run down church was to try and complete the final trial in a series of trials to close the gates to Hell forever. It hadn't been easy for Sam to get to this point, since the trials increased in intensity the farther he got along. Of course there was the fact that Dean had originally wanted to complete the trails because he not only saw it as a suicide mission, he saw it as the out Sam needed to live a normal life. Sam wouldn't ever deny the fact that he wanted to live a normal life, but after trying for a year he had found it very difficult to do normal things. Some of it had to do with the fact that he couldn't tell normal people anything that he had spent a lot of his life doing. That would just get him thrown into a mental institution, which wasn't exactly what Sam wanted at all. Mostly, though, Sam couldn't live a normal life because he couldn't do it without his brother. Sam once believed that he could live a normal life with Jessica, the one girl he really loved and wanted to get married to. 

That, unfortunately, was shattered when Jessica died and then he found himself traveling around with Dean and once again found himself living the life of a hunter. Sam and Dean had gone through a lot of stuff from losing their father to meeting angels, demons, and lot of other crazy crap. Throughout all that though, Sam noticed that he and his brother seemed to be developing a codependent relationship with each other. Sam hadn't really thought anything of it until he and Dean went to heaven and found out from Ashe that only soul mates shared a space in heave. When those words left Ashe's mouth, Sam felt as if his world had been thrown on its axis. Suddenly his happiest memories didn't seem so happy, especially when he had to watch Dean throw out the amulet he had given him when they were kids. When that happened, Sam felt his mouth go dry and felt his hear shatter into a million tiny pieces. It felt like Dean was throwing away their relationship and anything to do with it. Sam suddenly felt as if he wasn't important to his brother anymore and that was a hard feeling to swallow along with everything else that was happening. While Dean didn't really seem to care about the fact that they were soul mates, Sam did but before he could even consider retrieving the amulet, Dean stomped back up to the hotel room and told Sam to move it. 

That year seemed to have the most unresolved issues, which was a list that just kept growing through the years until they got to the point where they heard about the first trial. They found out about this through a new prophet that had emerged, Kevin Tran, who read it off of a demon tablet. The tablet gave a lot of information about demons, but it hadn't been easy for Kevin to read it because he only had a small part of the tablet. The first trial basically had the person trying to kill, then bath in the blood of a hell hound, which sounds like a death trap. Sam had gotten lucky when he had killed the hell hound his brother had been trying to kill, and even luckier when he convinced Dean to believe in him and let him complete the trails. Sam, though, hadn't told Dean he felt like complete crap directly after he had completed the first trial because he didn't want his brother to worry about him. Then, before he knew it, the time to complete the second task was before him. This meant Sam had to go into Hell, through Purgatory first which wasn't easy, to save a soul, and he ended up saving Bobby's soul. Sam had actually gotten really sick after the second trial, and he barely remembered spouting off some nonsense at Dean about how he felt like the trials were purifying him. 

However, even though Sam had felt like the trials were purifying him, that didn't help him at all with the trial he had to complete now. The third and final trial stated that a demon had to be saved on consecrated ground using the purified blood of a human. This, of course, was the whole reason for why Sam was standing in a confessional trying to pray to God and angels. The only problem, though, was being able to admit to his sins and not hold anything back because they couldn't risk this trial not being completed. The biggest problem Sam was having at the moment, though, was trying to figure if he should list every sin he ever committed or only list the big ones. But then again, the list only seemed to contain big ones so it was just a matter of figuring out how to talk about them. As Sam stared at the wall in front of him with its faded wall paper he couldn't help but think about what his brother told him months before about his greatest hits. His brother seemed to think that those, and a couple others, had been the worst acts he had ever committed. They all had a common theme of course, which was Sam letting Dean down and putting him in a position where he couldn't trust him. When it all came down to it, Sam's biggest sin was letting his brother down, over and over again. Now that he had that all figured out, Sam could finally start confessing his greatest sins. So with a bitter sweet smile on his face, Sam started to pray and only hoped that this actually worked.


End file.
